Changes

I officially started back to work a few weeks ago, and lo and behold, I have already become a blog slacker (blacker? slog?). Sigh. But I am here now and promise to be better!

In many ways, it's like I never left...like I put my "work self" on pause for a year and when I pressed the play button, I just started up where I left off. I was so afraid that I had forgotten everything, and that I would be absolutely useless to anyone for a while. But it all came flooding back pretty much as soon as I stepped through the office doors. Yes, some things have changed. I have a new office, for one. It has a fresh paint job, and is definitely cleaner than my old office. And at least once a day, I walk past it, forgetting that it is where I "live" now. I am also in charge of a whole list of new products that I know nothing about, which is both exciting and frustrating. To be honest, it makes me feel smart to have a bookshelf full of engineering and computer science books. That is, until someone asks me a question about them...

But perhaps the most significant change has to do with me. I came back as a different person. Not just in a 10lbs-heavier-saggy-boobed-tired-mom sort of way either. If this last year has taught me anything, it is that every single moment in life is important, and fleeting. I learned how to slow down, and just live. Even on my worst days, when Kailyn had been screaming for hours, and all I wanted to do was have a nap or eat lunch, I just kept reminding myself that she wouldn't be that little again...and someday I would look back and wonder where the years went. So, I made a pact with myself to enjoy every moment. And now, I can honestly say I am a calmer, happier person.

So now, on those days when I start getting stressed at work, I plan to try and take the same approach as I did with my screaming baby and repeat, "nothing lasts forever, just enjoy every moment." And if that doesn't work, then I plan to move to strategy #2: nothing is as bad as natural childbirth. If I can deal with that, I can deal with anything.

Vacation day

There are t-minus three days until I start work again. Since K started daycare, I have been trying to cram all of the things that I have wanted/needed to do before going back. Day 1? Washed dishes. Day 3? Got my hair coloured. Day 6? Replaced my windshield that cracked last December. All very exciting stuff.

And then I realized that I needed to take a vacation day. I am sure that some people think...ummm...you're not working...you ARE on vacation. Well, as many other moms know, even if someone else is watching your kids for an hour, or a day, you are STILL working. Cleaning, grocery shopping, making doctor appointments, more cleaning...you get the drill. So, I took a real vacation day. And as I fled my house that morning (resisting the urge to leave a detailed snack-poo-nap schedule for my husband to follow) I felt a teeny bit guilty. Not because I was leaving my family, but because I DIDN'T feel bad about it. I deserved it, dammit! I headed to St. Anne's Spa where I relaxed in the outdoor hot tub, got a massage, ate amazing food (capping the day off with afternoon tea and scones was the best) and enjoyed the quiet. I left feeling like a different person. My "mom mask" washed off pretty easily in the hot tub and for a few hours, I was a 32-year-old woman who likes to enjoy a fancy pants spa every once in a while. It was nice.

When I arrived home that night, I became mom again pretty quickly as I was greeted by a sinkful of the previous night's dinner dishes. But I didn't mind one bit. As I sat down to a pizza dinner (daddy's night to "cook"), K blew me a giant kiss and G said..."I like your pedicure" (even though I was wearing socks and didn't actually get a pedicure...), and I thought...I have a pretty awesome family. It is amazing the perspective you gain from a bit of distance and a few scones.

Drama queen

My one-year-old is already a drama queen. She started daycare last week and didn't cry or fuss once. Now that she has been going for a few days, she knows the drill. We pull up, get out of the car, and usually somewhere between the car and the front door she realizes where she is going and starts to squirm. When the daycare lady opens the door, K immediately starts screaming. The exchange is quick and I usually stand outside of the door for a few minutes after it closes and listen for her wails. But, as soon as the door closes, she STOPS screaming completely. Yes, my daughter has already learned how to play her mommy. Hats off to you, baby K...